Dear Darren Wilson, I Have a Job for You

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Dear Mr. Wilson,

First of all, congratulations on your recent marriage and the impending birth of your first child. As a fellow parent, I can tell you that the coming years will be the best of your life. There is nothing like raising a child; it is the most beautiful gift from God and the most life-changing opportunity you will ever receive.

That having been said, I want to make you aware of another life-changing opportunity.

While I was out running errands with my family the other day, we were stopped at a red light and I happened to glance at a marquee sign in front of a car dealership. It flashed an announcement saying the local police department is hiring laterals. “What’s a lateral?” I asked my husband. He explained to me that a lateral is a law enforcement officer from another department. “They want people who already know what they’re doing. They don’t have time to train anyone,” he said.

That made sense. We weren’t passing through a very nice town. In fact, the place is known to be one of the worst cities in Southern California. That’s why they need a cop like you, Mr. Wilson.

You see, Hemet, California is full of thugs like the one you fatally shot after drawing your weapon for the very first time in the line of duty. The difference is, nobody around there blinks an eye when a gang member meats their maker. No one would be rioting in the streets if you killed one of the shoplifting druggies in Hemet, I can promise you that.

Now that you’ve resigned from the Ferguson Police Department, why not relocate to sunny Southern California? You could put your law enforcement experience to good use. And there are lots of people who support you out here, too. Come to think of it, not one person I know thinks you were wrong for shooting Michael Brown.

You and the Mrs. could find a nice little place only a short commute away from the city of Hemet, which desperately needs cops like you. Just give it some thought. They’re even offering a $10,000 bonus for qualified laterals. You can call (951) 765-2403 if you’re interested.

Anyway, thank you for your service. God bless you and your family.


Jodi Swan

Mom, Writer, fearless Darren Wilson supporter.


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