Love. Every man wants it, but most men struggle to find it. Men like concrete steps and goals; men want to take the bull by the horns. But women are mysterious creatures. Just when you think you understand her; just when you think she’s your girl; she has slipped away and all you have left is a memory; an unanswered text; or the scent of her perfume.
One reason so many men struggle to understand women is that most relationship advice for men is written by men. To succeed with women, you need a female friend; a little Buddha you can go to in confidence for sage advice. Well, here I am!
To get you started, here are five common dating mistakes to avoid:
1. Coming off as a creeper. No guy wants to be labeled as a creeper. Unfortunately, many men think they’re being smooth when they are actually scaring the girl away. You definitely want to be forward and make the first move—but make sure your first move isn’t brushing your hand across her buttocks. This is “the creeper move,” and men of all ages and backgrounds have been known to employ this, or some variation, without even realizing it. Keep it classy. Women like the chase too, so don’t be too aggressive, or you’ll look desperate.
2. Falling into a Routine: Most guys are very good about showering a woman with kind words, compliments and gifts at the beginning of a relationship. But, once they’ve “won her over,” some guys get sloppy and fall into a comfortable routine. Remember, she’ll want to stick around if you regularly reinforce how much you care for her in a variety of ways. Spice it up!
Keep your compliments sincere. Also, a “gift” will be something different for every woman. Some women like jewelry and flowers; others will prefer it if you give them a hand-written card and block off the day to spend it together doing something she enjoys, such as hiking and then going out to dinner.
3. Be Decisive. You’re a strong man with your own opinions. You know exactly what you want in your professional life. However, you may not be as decisive about your romantic life. Are you seeking a girlfriend for companionship? Or, are you seeking a soul mate? Do you enjoy the single life, or are you ready for marriage? If you aren’t at least open to a long-term commitment, take a pause for the cause and figure out what you want before you ask a woman out.
4. Don’t Judge Her: Guys say women are catty and opinionated. But most guys have never gone on a date with a guy! Men can be judgmental too, without even realizing it, and this is a turn-off to women.
When you’re getting to know a woman, relax. Let yourself get to know her without making it seem like she’s on trial or at a job interview. Don’t ask her what her father does for a living; where she sees herself in five years; or, whether she can cook.
Keep things fun and lighthearted. Share stories. Laugh. The person she is today may not be the person she is two years from now. Maybe she has some irritating habits, but her sense of humor is phenomenal. You’ll never find a “perfect” woman and once you realize this you’ll find happiness in loving an imperfect woman who is striving toward her personal improvement, goals and dreams.
5. Be Honest. Confidence is very attractive. Part of confidence is being comfortable in your own skin. Don’t make the mistake of pretending to be someone you aren’t. Don’t spend money left and right to impress her—if you don’t have that kind of cash. She’ll find out and think you’re a buffoon. Don’t pretend to be a moderate if you’re really a conservative or libertarian. Maybe she doesn’t have strong political opinions, but would come around to your way of thinking but you’ll never know unless you represent yourself transparently from the get-go.
Women will find your humor, interests, ideas and passions to be entertaining even if they don’t agree 100% or participate in the same activities. Let her decide whether she can fall in love with you for who you really are—while also being open to learning who she truly is herself. To find happiness in a relationship, lead with confidence and an open and honest mindset.
Written by Katie Kieffer