When Carlos Romero was tried in Marion County, Florida, for having sex with a donkey, he mounted an unusual defense:  It’s unconstitutional to ban donkey love or, indeed, to ban any sexual relationships between humans and animals.  Carlos eventually plea bargained his claim, although he still plans to appeal the judgment holding that his conduct was illegal.

It all started when Carlos was caught last August in a compromising position with a female miniature donkey named Doodle.  (Doodle was, apparently, a very pretty donkey.)  The state charged him with sexual activities involving animals, a first-degree misdemeanor.  Rather than copping a deal after copping a donkey feel, Carlos insisted upon going to trial in order to defend his constitutional right to have sex with animals.

In papers filed with the Court, Carlos public defenders (who must have been fresh out of, or still in, law school) argued that Florida’s statute banning mixed species sexual relations infringed upon Carlo’s due process rights and violated the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment. More specifically, said Carlos’ council, the Florida law infringed Carlos’ “personal liberty and autonomy when it comes to private intimate activities.”

Further, said the lawyers, “By making sexual conduct with an animal a crime, the statute demeans individuals like Defendant (Romero) by making his private sexual conduct a crime.”

Carlos’ enthusiastic defense counsel didn’t stop there. In case Carlos’ privacy rights weren’t enough to make a constitutional argument, the attorneys also argued that the statute was deficient in that the state was not required to prove either that the animal was injured or that it did not consent. “Therefore, the only possible rational basis for the statute is a moral objection to sexual acts considered deviant or downright ‘disgusting,’?”

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